Without Fear

 How do you measure courage if you do not face fear?  Is it possible to go through life being blind to the uncontrolled forces around us?  Challenges are everywhere from the moment of birth.  How to roll, crawl, walk, then run to the most sophisticated ingenuity not just to survive but to master even the forces around us.  And yet, it happens even to the most hardened warriors, battle tested in life.  The courage to overcome even the fears emanating from mental stresses become too much to handle.

And for me it happened like a steady drip of water into my subconscious mind.  When the mental state is less guarded and thoughts of fear begin to seep in.  Without reflection and much prayers, I woke up one day afraid to take another step.  

But today I realized how I let my unguarded thoughts suck all the energy of self-confidence slowly dissipate from the challenge of losing a husband, facing Covid to political instability, economic realities, and even to the visible signs of aging all converging into one crescendo of fear.  I allowed my fears to settle, to unnerve me, and to take every ounce of my will to take charge of my life.  I became a willing victim of circumstance.  One that I myself wove like a mask.

Today is the day, I take off this mask and begin to live again.