Where The Heart Is

 “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭84:11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/psa.84.11.niv

Lord God, my savior you let the sun shine and the rain pour on both the righteous and the unrighteous.  You show no partiality but extend to everyone your love and mercy.  Chasten my thoughts, banish from it the evil that it harbors for its pit is deep and its tentacular hold on my heart grips ever so tightly.

I nourish a resentment and feed a grievance.  I am unable to let go of the hurts of the past, not completely. I am filled with anxiety about what tomorrow’s sorrow may bring and I rob myself of the joy to savor the moment.  I let your mercy and love pass me by with less gratitude than I should.  I am feeling empty, ravenous, never completely filled because the pit that is moored into my consciousness is gnawing deep inside me.

Why is my heart tethered to this pain as if there is no salve to soothe it?  Is there no balm or cooling waters to ease my suffering?  Is this pain not self-inflicted because I choose to focus on it?  Have I not seen my brother without a home or food to eat and I complain when my belly is full?  Do I not have work to hold myself in dignity when my sister sleeps with worry heavy in her mind about where the next meal is coming from?

These are your children too and they have needs far greater than mine.  Their burdens are heavy and yet here I am with my pitiful cries.  I magnify my own lack when my cup fills to the brim.  Lord God I have been so blind not to count your blessings.  I regret my selfishness.  I ask forgiveness for my sins and I will try to do better than this.