Grace

 “Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭6:12-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/rom.6.13-14.NIV

It seemed like I focus on grief and loss and dying more than I should. My remembrance of the past is misted in a cloud of sadness.  The pattern in my life was woven in tears.  And why is that?  Because I ruminate on the shadow to exhaustion.  I dwell on what shouldn’t, couldn’t, and wouldn’t.  I battled with the strength that hope, endurance, and fortitude promise.  I walk away from the challenge of change, of opportunity, of new ways of thinking, and being, and living.  I shy away from the creative powers of time itself.  I have fallen precipitously from grace.

You, my God steered me from this self-immolation.  When I sought you and you answered my cries, I knew that I was never alone.  Not for one minute did you abandon me even when it felt like that during the darkest nights of my soul.  This sinful preoccupation to things that are beyond my control, to self flagellation and disparagement led me to a crossroad - to choose life with purpose, deeper meaning, and full consciousness of my will. 

I choose to follow your voice and end the misery that was of my doing.  To allow you to lead me to the cool waters of salvation, washed by the unfathomable grace that I do not deserve.  You, oh Lord are the fountain of life not death.  In you I place my trust and from this day forward, I will seek you and listen to your voice.