How Long Must I Endure?

 “How long, Lord, will you look on? Rescue me from their ravages, my precious life from these lions. I will give you thanks in the great assembly; among the throngs I will praise you.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭35:17-18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/psa.35.17-18.niv

I live among the lion whose past tortures me unbearably.  How long must I endure oh God?  How long must I be tormented, pilloried on a phantom, whipped into submission to look at failures and blame that undeservedly is all mine?  Why must I let someone’s past haunt me as if it were the cross I have to carry?

You know what is in my heart and I feel a thousand sorrows when I am used as a scapegoat so others can manipulate and churn events to their favor.  Is this the cross I must carry for the rest of my life?  To see my own kind feast on each other’s carcasses?  Is this the purpose by which I bred life? Is this your will?