Back to Square One
I thought I was doing so well and that I found the cure for overcoming grief. For awhile I didn’t write down my thoughts nor explored my feelings. I focused only on generating this great big hope that I am over this mourning.
How wrong was I! All throughout the month of September I was again shaken to the core by profound feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and overwhelming grief. I ran to what I thought was the safe place to be — my catholic faith. Sadly, the tears poured unabated without any rhyme or reason. I dreaded your impending one year death anniversary.
Has it been a year already and I am back in the throes of depression? It was as if you just died yesterday and the pain of loss was just as intense today as it had been a year ago. Where was my resolve, my courage to continue living without you? Why do I feel as if I am dying a thousand deaths because I terribly miss you?
So, it’s back to square one - a place of misery where my heart seems to find the cracks where the breaks once healed then opened anew. And it hurts...
How wrong was I! All throughout the month of September I was again shaken to the core by profound feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and overwhelming grief. I ran to what I thought was the safe place to be — my catholic faith. Sadly, the tears poured unabated without any rhyme or reason. I dreaded your impending one year death anniversary.
Has it been a year already and I am back in the throes of depression? It was as if you just died yesterday and the pain of loss was just as intense today as it had been a year ago. Where was my resolve, my courage to continue living without you? Why do I feel as if I am dying a thousand deaths because I terribly miss you?
So, it’s back to square one - a place of misery where my heart seems to find the cracks where the breaks once healed then opened anew. And it hurts...