All the Odds
All the odds in the world did not prepare me for the journey that I took with you. Even when I had the skills and training to care for the sick; it meant nothing when faced with an enemy too powerful to contain.
Twenty five years of my past profession as a physical therapist at first challenged me to rise to the occasion. I thought I had the strength, stamina, fortitude to care for you with unbelievable courage. To the untrained eye, that was how it looked. I had the foolishness of defying insurmountable odds that merit life or death. It was a game of Russian roulette and it was deadly.
A year and a half later as your illness progressively worsened by the day, I began to lose my grasp of reality. Towards the last three weeks of your life, I could no longer sleep. I began to feel overwhelmed and physically drained. I began to disengage from you to save myself from the slow dissolution of my health and well-being. I began to paddle away from my heroic but failed and misguided efforts to try to save you; or even wished to prolong your life. It was futile to fight when I was literally running on empty.
In the end, I had to let you go. It was the saddest and most painful thing to experience. Watching you see your world crumble beneath you; seeing you struggle to fight a disease that held your life on edge; and when death finally claimed you; I was but an empty shell. This journey led us to the surety of our human destiny - to leave this earth as we came - alone.
Twenty five years of my past profession as a physical therapist at first challenged me to rise to the occasion. I thought I had the strength, stamina, fortitude to care for you with unbelievable courage. To the untrained eye, that was how it looked. I had the foolishness of defying insurmountable odds that merit life or death. It was a game of Russian roulette and it was deadly.
A year and a half later as your illness progressively worsened by the day, I began to lose my grasp of reality. Towards the last three weeks of your life, I could no longer sleep. I began to feel overwhelmed and physically drained. I began to disengage from you to save myself from the slow dissolution of my health and well-being. I began to paddle away from my heroic but failed and misguided efforts to try to save you; or even wished to prolong your life. It was futile to fight when I was literally running on empty.
In the end, I had to let you go. It was the saddest and most painful thing to experience. Watching you see your world crumble beneath you; seeing you struggle to fight a disease that held your life on edge; and when death finally claimed you; I was but an empty shell. This journey led us to the surety of our human destiny - to leave this earth as we came - alone.